Trust at 4AM
“Wow-wow-wow-wow-wow!” I woke abruptly, tension in my shoulders. I hadn’t slept deeply, didn’t feel rested. The rapid-fire staccato bark of our neighbor’s golden-haired retriever, sweet-tempered though she was, was loud and unwelcome. It reverberated through the morning stillness once more as I rolled over and fumbled in the dark to find my phone. The time glowed 4:00. Barely morning. “Wow, Lucy is up early today,” I thought. “I guess I am too.”
I have to admit I feel a little worried. But I know I shouldn’t. Last evening was a coming-of-age moment for my youngest. She bought her first car! But we drove home without it. Instead of parking a new car in the garage, we carried a bill of sale and title into the house. The sellers, understandably, want to wait for payment to clear the bank before releasing the car. Like I said, this is completely reasonable, but it hurt just a little.
The sellers made the right choice, but only because they don’t trust us. That fact stares me in the face as I sit in my easy chair and pick up my Bible. I don’t like the feeling of being seen as untrustworthy, and I don’t like not being able to trust others. I don’t like it at all.
I wish we could safely assume positive intent in others and expect them to do the same for us, but we can’t and they don’t. While I’m wishing, I’d like everyone to have abundance. So much that if they were taken advantage of, they just wouldn’t mind. After all, in such a world of abundance they would already have everything they needed. More would always be available, and no one would feel the need to rip anyone off—ever. But this is the real world where otherwise kind, creative, and successful people can’t trust a 19-year-old girl to drive a car home without cash in their hand.
What’s worse is I feel worked up about it because I’m the same. Somewhere deep down I’m asking, “Will the car still be there when the check clears the bank?” I know it will be. I’m a pretty decent judge of character and these people are the good kind. But that’s the world we live in. One without trust—by necessity.
And it makes me angry.
I want to trust. I don’t want to worry. I wish I would know, deep down, that my needs and the needs of my loved ones would always be met. And I want this for everyone that shares this planet with me. Why can’t I have what I want?
Feeling weary, I open to the prophet Ezekiel, the seer. And boy, did he see! Psychedelic stuff. But these weird visions helped the nation of Israel to shift their focus from the stark reality of exile in a foreign, hostile land to see that a future hope awaited them. The morning he had his first vision, Ezekiel’s neighbor dog probably woke him at 4AM. His shoulders tense, worried about the future, he rolled out of bed, eyes open.
